Sssssleep

I need sleep....so badly. I am so tired but cannot sleep. My brain doesn't stop thinking. My body is restless yet exhausted.
I am looking forward to end of next week. No teaching, no driving around. But there are a lot of other issues waiting for me. A house to be cleaned out. Stuff to be sorted out. Things to be sold. Oh well, gotta take each day as it comes. And at the end I will experience those sudden moments when everything becomes lighter or brighter or easier to apprehend.
That will probably be after some good nights of ssssssssssssleep!

Busy

It is very busy in our home. First of all, Amber is sitting for her exams and is studying like crazy. She also has a new job at this Italian trattoria. She practices with the band quite often as she has a few performances coming weeks. She had two long days of entrance exams for the study "Writing for performances" in Utrecht. She will do the same coming Saturday in Arnhem for "Creative writing". She started the second course of Writing on Thursday evening. She is one busy lady.
Joost has done auditions for the school musical. He is practising for the soccer school competition next week. He goes to his 'normal'soccer training twice a week and plays matches on Saturday.
Chris has many assignments to finish for his study Geography. His History exam will be in June. He has been a guide for the local Tour de Technique in Deventer. He is preparing a schoolcamp which will take place in May.
I have started my lessons again. I have been busy calling lots of companies, organizations, offices, bureaus and my solicitor for things that need to be arranged/cancelled/resigned due to my fathers death. I have been cleaning out his house. Taking away some of his art pieces. Selling some furniture and books, his TV and car. Reading letters I wrote to him and which he kept all those years. I also need to work in my garden as it looks terrible. Will get some help for that luckily.
Yep. We are busy. And we do not seem to have time to grieve...

My lilac tree

He will not return,

But the time has come

When my lilac tree

With stout branches and big roots

Gives off its fragrance

And is buzzing with happy bees

Disbelief

March 21st was one of the most saddest days in my life. My dad died. Unexpected, his sudden death left me speechless, full of disbelief. He was 68 years old.
And now, as his only child, I have to make difficult decisions. On my own. I have to take care of everything. I need to clean out his house where he lived for the past 36 years or so. I don't know what I am feeling. I feel empty, angry, sad. Amber sang on his funeral. It was so beautiful and yet so sad.